5 Ways to Protect your Energy

energy
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How often do you feel that your energy is low or completely depleted? Many people spend time getting swept away by the energy of others; spending time to make others happy, or putting unreciprocated effort in to friendships/relationships — all to eventually have their energy sucked away.

Being an empath and a highly agreeable person can cause for this sort of feeling. Having these traits can cause one to want to please and care for others more than what is reciprocated. Being highly agreeable, means that you are more likely to go with what others want and not really give an opinion of your own. When someone asks what you want for dinner, a person who is highly agreeable would most likely respond with “whatever you want is good with me”.

Being high in the trait of agreeableness has its pros and cons. However, in the regard of preserving ones energy, people who are highly agreeable are more likely to have their energy depleted quickly. People who are agreeable tend to have great difficulty saying “no” and are more likely to “go with the flow” rather than to put their foot down when they really should.

When efforts are constantly unreciprocated, we tend to feel drained. This can lead to greater feelings of sadness, anxiety, depression, and intense feelings of worthlessness.

Going in to the new year, it is time to protect your energy; because if you don’t, then no one else will!

5 Ways to protect your energy:

1. Try to be Less Agreeable

The next time someone asks you what you want for dinner, really think about it and choose what you want! Don’t always hide behind what others want and agree to go along with it. By speaking up about what you want, and saying “no” more often, you are preserving your own energy and only spending it on what you truly want. Learning how to draw the line with some people is very important as one cannot always be understanding and ignore their own needs.

2. Set Intentions

I have recently really gotten in to setting intentions for myself each week to follow and hold myself accountable for. Set an intention that you are going to protect your energy. Write it down or have this intention on your phone as a reminder to follow everyday. An example of this can be: “I intend to protect my energy and respond to others from a place of peace and power” or, “I intend to protect my energy by putting my own needs first”.

3. Trust yourself

Trust your own energy and power. Trust that you can make your own decisions, and put effort in to people/things that are worth it to you. Trust that you will spend time putting your energy in to people/things that will reciprocate your efforts. Trust that you will put energy in to your own growth and wellness before the wellness of others. By trusting yourself you are protecting yourself from feeling drained and depleted.

4. Reflect

Genuinely reflect on where your energy goes. Here are some prompts to help guide your self-reflection: How much time and effort do you spend trying to please others? How often are you understanding towards the needs of others whilst your own needs are ignored? How often are you reaching out to connect with someone when it is unreciprocated?

By reflecting on where your energy goes, you can identify certain behaviours and actions you take that should probably be protected instead.

5. Replenish your own Energy

Replenish your own energy! Take some time to indulge in self-love. At the end of the day, you are always going to be the one who is responsible to take care of and love yourself! Feelings of sadness and worthlessness because someone else wont reciprocate your efforts can only be rid by you! So take some time to do some self healing and remind yourself that you are worthy and deserve to protect your energy instead.

As we prepare for a new year, I realize it is imperative to protect my own energy, as sometimes it is easy to get drowned out by others. It is time to draw some boundaries and set limits on how agreeable we may be. By making our own thoughtful choices and understanding our own needs first we can maintain a certain level of powerful, peaceful energy. If you find that there are people in your life who don’t reciprocate your efforts, it is time for some change! Happy New Year, 2022!

Check out my previous post!

Understanding Relationships Using Attachment Theory

woman carrying baby at beach during sunset
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A relationship between a parent and their child is special like no other. A parent’s relationship with their child sets the tone for all other relationships in that child’s life. Romantic relationships, friendships to the way we interact with our teachers and peers. It all connects back to how we were raised and the way in which we connected with our own parents.

Attachment theory, famously researched by Mary Ainsworth identifies 3 types of attachment styles that are observed as early as infancy.

1. Secure Attachment

The securely attached infant sees their caregiver as their safe base. In times of distress, the infant feels confident to trust that they will be safe with their caregiver. These infants know that their caregiver will meet all of their needs and they are easily soothed by their caregiver when upset.

In adulthood we see secure attachment styles in romantic relationships as well. This can look like a couple who communicate well, have trust and are open with each other. An important piece is that both partners allow each other the space to do things separately from the other without the fear of being abandoned. Additionally, couples who are securely attached enjoy the closeness of their partner but also appreciate their time alone. Partners who are securely attached don’t feel a sense of being suffocated by their partner.

2. Anxious/ambivalent attachment

The infant who has an anxious/ambivalent attachment does not see their caregiver as their safe base and does not seek support from them when distressed. Unfortunately, this is usually the result of a caregiver who was not sensitive and rejected meeting their infants’ basic needs. During distress this caregiver was usually not there for their infant, causing their infant to be unable to rely on them for safety.

In romantic relationships, an anxious/ambivalent attachment style may look like a partner who needs a lot of reassurance about commitment and love. These partners may be worried about abandonment because they were very often abandoned of their emotional needs as an infant. Additionally, when these partners feel anxious about their relationship they will frantically try to get attention by calling or texting numerous times or obsessively thinking about their partner.

3. Avoidant attachment

This infant does not seek out emotional support due to constant rejection from their caregiver. Caregivers may have avoided their children’s needs when they were vulnerable, teaching the child to suppress their emotions. This infant tends to be more independent and does not depend on their caregiver for safety. Since this caregiver tends to be inconsistent with their infant, the infant learns to be avoidant towards them.

In adulthood, these partners in romantic relationships generally feel safer keeping their intense emotions to themselves. They believe they are better off dealing with things internally and have difficulty expressing emotional intimacy. This is a defence mechanism that is a result of not having a close emotional connection with a caregiver during childhood. Avoidant attachment styles result in more shallow relationships and a desire to avoid something too serious.

Reflecting on your attachment style with your parents can allow you to understand common behaviours that you may gravitate towards in friendships or romantic relationships. Additionally, for any of my readers who are new parents or thinking of becoming parents, it is important to keep this research in mind when raising your child as their attachment styles form as early as infancy.

References:

McLeod, S. A. (2018, August 05). Mary ainsworth. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html