5 Ways to Protect your Energy

energy
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How often do you feel that your energy is low or completely depleted? Many people spend time getting swept away by the energy of others; spending time to make others happy, or putting unreciprocated effort in to friendships/relationships — all to eventually have their energy sucked away.

Being an empath and a highly agreeable person can cause for this sort of feeling. Having these traits can cause one to want to please and care for others more than what is reciprocated. Being highly agreeable, means that you are more likely to go with what others want and not really give an opinion of your own. When someone asks what you want for dinner, a person who is highly agreeable would most likely respond with “whatever you want is good with me”.

Being high in the trait of agreeableness has its pros and cons. However, in the regard of preserving ones energy, people who are highly agreeable are more likely to have their energy depleted quickly. People who are agreeable tend to have great difficulty saying “no” and are more likely to “go with the flow” rather than to put their foot down when they really should.

When efforts are constantly unreciprocated, we tend to feel drained. This can lead to greater feelings of sadness, anxiety, depression, and intense feelings of worthlessness.

Going in to the new year, it is time to protect your energy; because if you don’t, then no one else will!

5 Ways to protect your energy:

1. Try to be Less Agreeable

The next time someone asks you what you want for dinner, really think about it and choose what you want! Don’t always hide behind what others want and agree to go along with it. By speaking up about what you want, and saying “no” more often, you are preserving your own energy and only spending it on what you truly want. Learning how to draw the line with some people is very important as one cannot always be understanding and ignore their own needs.

2. Set Intentions

I have recently really gotten in to setting intentions for myself each week to follow and hold myself accountable for. Set an intention that you are going to protect your energy. Write it down or have this intention on your phone as a reminder to follow everyday. An example of this can be: “I intend to protect my energy and respond to others from a place of peace and power” or, “I intend to protect my energy by putting my own needs first”.

3. Trust yourself

Trust your own energy and power. Trust that you can make your own decisions, and put effort in to people/things that are worth it to you. Trust that you will spend time putting your energy in to people/things that will reciprocate your efforts. Trust that you will put energy in to your own growth and wellness before the wellness of others. By trusting yourself you are protecting yourself from feeling drained and depleted.

4. Reflect

Genuinely reflect on where your energy goes. Here are some prompts to help guide your self-reflection: How much time and effort do you spend trying to please others? How often are you understanding towards the needs of others whilst your own needs are ignored? How often are you reaching out to connect with someone when it is unreciprocated?

By reflecting on where your energy goes, you can identify certain behaviours and actions you take that should probably be protected instead.

5. Replenish your own Energy

Replenish your own energy! Take some time to indulge in self-love. At the end of the day, you are always going to be the one who is responsible to take care of and love yourself! Feelings of sadness and worthlessness because someone else wont reciprocate your efforts can only be rid by you! So take some time to do some self healing and remind yourself that you are worthy and deserve to protect your energy instead.

As we prepare for a new year, I realize it is imperative to protect my own energy, as sometimes it is easy to get drowned out by others. It is time to draw some boundaries and set limits on how agreeable we may be. By making our own thoughtful choices and understanding our own needs first we can maintain a certain level of powerful, peaceful energy. If you find that there are people in your life who don’t reciprocate your efforts, it is time for some change! Happy New Year, 2022!

Check out my previous post!

My Anxiety is Dictating my Life

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Are you living in fear? Do you *flop on plans with your friends because you feel so anxious to go? This one is a classic… you agree to plans that were made days in advance, but hours before, your anxiety feels debilitating, you begin to catastrophize and you cancel. Then instead of trying to enjoy your time alone after cancelling, you think about how lonely and isolated you feel. You then blame yourself, end up wishing you had gone and feel worse having cancelled.

Another common scenario is right before a shift at work. You feel anxious to go to work, anxious to see your managers and coworkers. You begin to ruminate on scenarios that have happened at work in the past. So hours before your shift you decide that it’s best to call in “sick”. Then instead of having a productive day after calling in “sick”, you reflect on your unprofessionalism and end up feeling worse than how you would have felt if you had gone in.

These anxious thoughts are dictating our behaviours to the point where we can’t do simple tasks that we might need to do. Doing groceries gets put off because you’re scared that people are watching what you buy, going to school is daunting because you’re afraid of what others think of you or you’re stuck thinking of a situation that happened in school years ago, you fear taking exams because you believe you will fail. The list of situational examples can go on and on.

Self blame, ruminating and catastrophizing have been shown to be positively associated with symptoms of anxiety.

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3 Reasons My Anxiety is Dictating My Behaviours:

1. Self Blame:

Self blame is when we put the blame of things we have experienced on ourselves. Suddenly we are personally responsible for everything that happens around us.

2. Ruminating:

Ruminating is when we are continuously consumed with the same thought over and over. Ruminating is usually associated with reliving negative and unpleasant moments through a series of thoughts. This can cause people to relive emotions and feelings previously experienced. Additionally, this can cause deep feelings of guilt, shame, regret and can lead to more severe consequences such as chronic depression or anxiety.

3. Catastrophizing:

Catastrophizing is when we believe that all situations have negative outcomes. This results in emphasizing the terror in the outcomes we believe to be possible. We believe that the worst will happen to us no matter what the situation.

How To manage Anxiety IN 3 Steps:

1. Awareness/Acceptance:

Becoming aware of our negative thoughts is really the first step towards finding peace. Being able to pause and realize “my thoughts are really spiralling out of control right now” is a skill that seems so easy but is actually very tough. By accepting negative thoughts that are related to negative events we can reassign ourselves to what has happened instead.

Instead of ruminating about what has happened and catastrophizing about what will happen, we can accept situations that we have dealt with and begin to move on to the next step.

2. Refocus on Planning

A refocus on planning can allow us to take a step back and refocus on the steps we need to take to plan and take action of how we are going to deal with negative events. How am I going to direct my thoughts towards a better direction? How am I going to go grocery shopping comfortably and not catastrophize about what is going to happen? How will I take an exam and not catastrophize over what my results will be?

An example of this can be that you will create a grocery list before you go out so that you can map out your path and know exactly how long you will be there for. This allows you to be actively working towards relieving catastrophic thoughts about spending too much time in the grocery store.

Additionally, studying for an exam weeks in advance, feeling prepared and trying your best should diminish catastrophic thoughts, as you are taking action towards obtaining a positive outcome and your thoughts are refocused on studying.

3. Positive Reappraisal

Practicing positive reappraisal allows us to create positive associations and meanings with negative events. This can allow for self-growth and realizations in the darkest of thoughts.

For example, when dealing with a break-up (romantically or with a friend), concentrate on how you can refocus your negative thoughts towards growth that was experienced as a result of that relationship or that you will experience as a result of accepting the end of the relationship. Through acceptance, planning and positive reappraisal, negative or difficult events can always result in positive associations and moments of growth.

So don’t flop on plans with friends because you’re catastrophizing about what might happen if you do go, or because you’re ruminating on a previous negative experience. Don’t let your anxiety dictate your life!

*Flop = A slang word for when someone bails on plans at the last minute.

Have you ever found yourself to be catastrophizing, ruminating or placing blame on yourself? Comment down below if you can relate to these symptoms of anxiety! Also please comment some additional ways that helps you to improve your mental state in times of anxiety.

APA Citation:

Legerstee, J. S., Garnefski, N., Verhulst, F. C., & Utens, E. M. W. J. (2011). Cognitive coping in anxiety-disordered adolescents. Journal of Adolescence34(2), 319–326. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.04.008